I mean, they call them DEVILED eggs?

Alison

Jul 4

I'm not an egg eater. I usually keep a dozen in my fridge as a pantry item, the same way I stock flour, sugar, olive oil and rice.

But do I eat eggs? RARELY. And usually only as a "binder" in a recipe where I wouldn't overtly realize there were eggs at play. This often confuses people, so a few examples:

Baked goods like cake/pies/biscuits where they are mixed in and unrecognizable (YES)
Spaghetti carbonara (NO)
Breakfast scramble with potatoes, bacon, onions and cheese as the stars? (MAYBE – depends how many eggs you use and how long you cook them)
Scrambled eggs (NO)
Quiche (MAYBE – but only if I make it, can confirm the eggs are very firm and see that the ratio of other ingredients will vastly overpower the eggs)
Fresh Aioli (MAYBE – depends how good a chef you are, what herbs are involved and how fresh the eggs are)
Egg Salad (HELL NO)
Huevos Rancheros (NOPE)
Deviled Eggs (Not happening)
French Toast (Possibly – but only if it's as hard as a brick because the eggs basically evaporated out of it)

Are we clear on where my line is? Good.

I clarify all of this because my one WEIRD exception is that I make a wilted spinach salad (my southern mom's recipe) and uncharacteristically slice a hard boiled egg into it. (To be fair, I only use the white and toss the yolk.)

AN ODD ASIDE: I insist on pronouncing the "L" in "yolk." It drives Alan bananas. "YOLLLLK?" he asks. "It's YOKE."

"No," I tell him, "That's how you hitch a donkey to a cart – you YOKE it."

"OK," he counters, "But square this with the fact that you go to a 'FOKE' Festival and wear 'POKE-a' dots."

I look at him cooly. "I don't. I go to a folllllllk festival and wear pollllllka dots and my parents (whom I call my follllks) are there witih me to dance the pollllllka while we conscientiously avoid eating any egg yolllllks."

He always loses his shit right around here, and I'm not even trying to get a rise out of him. This is how I actually pronounce these words. I think it might just be a midwestern thing?

Anyway, the point of this post was to tell you about a far more interesting (in my opinion) exchange with my parents, in which I asked them for advice on how to make it easier to peel a boiled egg. (Because yes, I was making my mom's wilted salad.)

"Well," they told me, with confidence, "The fresher the egg, the harder it is to peel."

"Disagree," I rebutted with confidence. "Because the eggs I just boiled have been in my fridge since February and it is now July. And they are IMPOSSIBLE to peel."

Long pause.

"What? February? No way. Really?" their voices overlapped in incredulity.

"Sure," I explained. "During the pandemic when I wasn't entertaining, I realized I had eggs a lot longer, so I got in the habit of cracking one before cooking them to make sure they were still fine, and they basically last forever in the fridge."

I could tell my parents still had their doubts. "I mean, I'm pretty comfortable stretching out expiration dates," my mom said, "But five months on eggs? No way."

This prompted me to find a real rule (rather than just my Sniff Test) and I came up with this, from Southern Living:

"If the eggs sink to the bottom and lay flat on their side, they're still fresh. However, if they sink, but stand on one end at the bottom of the glass or bowl, they're not as fresh but still edible. Of course, if any eggs float to the top, they shouldn't be eaten."

I'm here to tell you that when I placed these eggs in the pot to boil them, they stood up but didn't float. I feel vindicated.

I feel it's important to note: I'd never attempt this if I were making the food for another person. I might be a bit cavalier about expiration dates when it comes to my own health, but I pride myself on being a good host, so the last thing I'd want to do is give someone food poisoning. (This reminds me of the time my friend Betsy and I made mussels for our birthday celebration – I probably spent an hour checking out each individual mussel to make sure it was still alive before she came over.)

Here we are on the Fourth of July. Before you get judgmental about my egg-boiling habit, I'd like you to take a long hard look at that egg you're holding at your backyard picnic and ask yourself: how long has this been out of the refrigerator? Do I really know? Because that, my friend, is why those eggs are considered deviled.

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