I got a cat.

I know what you're thinking: Aren't you ALLERGIC to cats? Didn't you give BACK a kitten once? How will a cat work with your OCD tendencies?

Or maybe you're not thinking that at all - maybe I'm projecting?

To answer your (my) questions:

  1. Yes. I am allergic to cats. But my intestines are apparently allergic to food and I haven't stopped eating. At least I can pet a cat. And a cat will never cause me to shit my pants or need surgery. So overall, I think the cat wins this one. Did I mention I can PET it?
  2. Yes. Factually, speaking, I did once give back a kitten. But in my defense: my co-worker had found a litter in her garage and pawned them off on people for "trials" hoping we'd get attached. And the particular kitten that I got was something of an asshole. So of course I gave him back.
  3. Way ahead of you on this one. I've set up a lidded litter box with a swinging door, and it's perched on a litter mat that grabs loose litter of my cat's paws. Also? I deliberately chose a cat that matched my couches and rug so that fur would blend in. (That is: any fur that I miss during my twice-daily wipe downs.)

So now that we've resolved your (my) initial concerns, let me introduce...

Miss Moneypenny © 2013 pithypants

OK, I'll admit, her given name is "Squeaky." And as Alan has pointed out, it's probably ridiculous to try to rename an animal something that involves five syllables. But I think we all agree that "Squeaky" requires updating for obvious reasons. So why not go with a James Bond character?

Alan actually first suggested (to one of my co-workers, nonetheless) that we were naming her Pussy Galore. I'm sure I don't have to explain why Miss Moneypenny seems a tad more fitting, but in case you're slow on the up-take: because I've always wanted a secretary.

Duh.

One step closer to becoming a crazy cat lady. Wait for it.